LOOK. I’M NOT going to tell you to ‘bare your pins’. If you want to wear black tights all year round, I absolutely applaud you.

But there will come a time where most of us will feel the need to lose the protective coverings that have been shielding our legs from the sun for so long, and we will look down at them and find them wanting. Mine look like ham, currently, but it varies from woman to woman.

So what to do if you are also ham-legged, or blue-legged, or whatever you’re having yourself?

Shave, if that’s your thing

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You know how to do it, but I just want to remind you (because I never learn myself) – legs do not like it when you dry shave them. At all.

I did it in a haste one sunny Saturday morning a few weeks ago, and they screamed at me for three days afterwards. Use shaving foam, shower gel, hair conditioner, anything.

Slough off all the dead skin

Exfoliating is crucial if you’re planning on fake-tanning, but even if you’re not, it will have you bellowing “FEEL HOW SOFT MY LEGS ARE. FEEL THEM” at anyone who will listen.

Lush do some heavy-duty sugar scrubs, while the Soap and Glory ones smell fantastic. Just avoid anything with microbeads, for the sake of the ocean.

Tell ingrown hairs to feck off

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All those red bumps on your legs are from hairs that are angry at being shaved off, and so decided to grow back inwards. Real sound!

Waxperts has created special ingrown hair pads to exfoliate and treat the area – but alternatively, you can use those Clearasil pads you wouldn’t put near your face on them (they’re also great for annoying chest and shoulder spots).

Moisturise them like they are your most precious possessions

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I know, I know – moisturising your body sometimes feels like such a chore. But you will notice the difference, even if you’re only doing it every second or third day. I thought my legs were naturally scaly but as it turns out, they were just dying of thirst.

For lotions that don’t leave you feeling sticky, try the Aveeno Creamy Oil or the Vaseline Spray Moisturiser. The Nivea in-shower stuff is also a great time saver.

Tan (if you want to)

This entirely depends on you. Some people just feel better with a bit of a colour, while others couldn’t be arsed fussing around with mousses and mitts.

Bellamianta is an Irish-owned brand that’s been getting a lot of attention lately – their Self Tanning Lotion dries quickly and doesn’t smell like biscuits. Result.

If you fancy keeping it simple, you can always go for the old reliables: Sally Hansen’s Airbrush Legs or a body lotion with gradual tan.

And please wear sunscreen

Baz Luhrmann WARNED you. He WARNED you. Sun burn makes hammy legs look hammier. Just put it on.

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